It has taken me quite some time to want to share this posting.

I wanted to hold on to my grief and heal before doing so.

My best friend and companion, Kozmo died just over a year ago on December 11th, 2010.

He woke a few weeks prior to Christmas having what appeared to be a seizure shortly after 6 am. I was dumbfounded as he had never been sick before but I found myself more perplexed because a few months before, I had thought to myself.  “What would I do if Kozmo had a brain tumor or died”.  Sometimes as a intuitive person working with energy,the messages I receive are confusing, especially in regard to my kids, my animals and myself.

I am still not very accurate when it comes to my intuition vs. my ego. Thus, I chose to ignore the information I had been given. I was thinking that I was overwhelmed with my own life and at some level it might be easier to not have to care for a dog.

Kozmo’s digestive system had been off and he had not been himself.  I saw no symptoms extreme enough to require a trip to the vet. I decided that since I am an essence practitioner, I would use my best allies, the flowers.

I tested Kozmo through my own muscle testing method to see which essences he needed. His symptoms always shifted within a day of my giving him the required essences, causing him to be in to better spirits and raised his overall vitality.

The morning that Kozmo had his first seizure I immediately went back to the flower angels and asked for guidance. I use essences from many different farms around the world but I was guided to a particular group from a company called Pacific Essences. I find their essences to be very gentle and loving and they match well with the sensitivity of animals.

He was able to close his eyes and sleep after I first administered them and I even brought them with me in the car and on the trip to the Vet.

The Vet ran tests on him and determined he had had a full seizure due to either inflammation on the brain and or a brain tumor.  The Vet seemed bleak and told me I would need to rush him back in if he had an additional seizure. Later that night he proceeded to have another and was very confused and scared. The essence that came up to give him at this point was Snowdrop. This essence deals with paralyzing fear and also with the removal of joy. It has been used with diseases like Parkinson’s, MS and tissue degeneration issues. It helps with letting go and returning the vital energy. I now understood exactly where Kozmo was at and why the angels had guided me to this essence. I also took a few drops myself, knowing I was going to need to keep my heart open and nourish myself to help Kozmo.

My mother came to help me with Kozmo and with my children when morning came.

When she arrived after a two hour drive, Kozmo had another seizure. I rushed him to the Vet and when I arrived they told me his blood work had come back normal which meant he did not have cancer or any other health problems related to his organs. In fact in between seizures he acted completely normal. The Vet told me that I would need to put Kozmo to sleep. Apparently their was no seizure medicine that would stop them from coming more frequently and since he had no prior history of these behaviors, it was best he let go an not suffer needlessly.  The essence that came up for Kozmo at that time was Yellow Pond Lily – letting go of emotion and attachment.  Letting go in the sense of death.  Yellow Pond Lily allows us to move forward fearlessly. I was amazed that Kozmo was speaking to me through the flowers and I knew that I needed to trust the Vet and I agreed to putting him to sleep. I was able to have everyone who had cared for Kozmo come to the Veterinarians office and say goodbye. When everyone was there together, Kozmo stop yelping and moved from one person to another, saying goodbye to each of us. This reconfirmed to me that he knew it was his time to go. He then guided me to give him the flower essence Purple Crocus. In giving Kozmo this essence it helped the adults in the room begin to deal with our grief and sadness and to turn our selfish feelings back to Kozmo. This beautiful, beautiful essence is all about re-birthing, acceptance and love. The most beautiful part of this essence is how it reminded me of the patio behind my house. It is there that Kozmo played with his ridiculous Jolly Ball and spent forever pushing it around like he was Pele the soccer player. He would lick that ball back there for what seemed like hours at a time. Surrounding the patio area in the spring were the Purple Crocus flowers. At the first sign of Spring they push up through the frozen ground to announce the rebirth of the world. It seemed as if it was an indication of the full circle of our physical lives. I love these essences for how they speak to us and through us. They also speak for us.

I hold so much gratitude in my heart for being surrounded by them and for the opportunity to heal with them. I am so glad they got to be a part of Kozmo’s journey. For those of us who knew him, we had the chance to experience his appreciation. He loved to be a part of each healing session. Loving and soaking up the energy as I healed each of you.

Goodbye dear friend.

I hope to see you again.